Off The Radio - Calling my birth father out on the radio was theraputic.

Monday, May 21st

My wife and I started talking about how I felt after calling my birth father on the radio, I immediately grabbed my microphone and we started recording.  Come to find out this whole thing was VERY theraputic for me....maybe you can relate to some of the feelings I am having.  The feeling of abandonment, the feeling of a parent not being there for you in all of your formative years...We went pretty deep with this, even touching on forgiveness and the possibility of moving forward...so I appreciate you checking this out.  You'll probably learn more about me than you need to in this truly Riggs OFF the radio podcast.  
00:28:31

Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

Pulling it into an adult content listener discretion isn't what you're about to hear his feet. Inside leftovers from rigs is spreading throughout his day since you probably hear everything that happens on the radio this. The stuff that happens off the radio. Rigs off. Through radio now he is here. Host site and this is exactly why it's called rigs off the radio because literally something happen on the radio today. And my brain study Gil and with my wife and we were just having a conversation in the kitchen and I said ten dammit stop everything. We're gonna be this. Rigs off the radio style so. Here's the conversation though literally just had with my wife. In regards to the conversation I had on the air this morning if you missed it. I'll post it here my podcast section it's also with the web sites. 137 kiss FM dot com basically this morning. I confronted my. Birth father about something least he'd been in and out of my life and I basically said enough is enough and here's the kind of meet digesting everything. Enjoy silly to you so this radium. So this morning. They called. My birth father on the radio. And it's just know who just now kind of processing at all because of to behold they have been getting messages from. People on social media first of all that that happens obviously. People are reaching out on FaceBook and a lot of positive messages and some negative messages a couple people saying why are you exploiting this for radio ratings and this is too personal to air but you're gonna get that no matter what you do in this business you know. But overwhelmingly overwhelmingly it was positive it was you know were. They're free you. Waited and waited way to say how you feel and get your message out and I'm in the situation like that is so many people have been in the situation when they have a father or mother or someone that walked out at them. And one thing that I'm thankful for with my birth files I'm on them. I mean. It's not drink and tactics over summer Tony team that it's over summer clay team get back to the point need to point of another low point of how I have a father that at least answer the phone when I called that in this morning on the radio. When I called the answered and he was excited to hear from me. And I answered in his voice. Very excited that I that I called in BC wanted to talk to me he'd been reaching out to me on FaceBook and he called my work and he didn't have my number and he was excited he was coming out this week to Simi and he was. He was Jennings is he has a much and I heard the disappointment you brought a point you're like you heard the disappointment in his voice as I it to slammed into him. And I wasn't trying to use statistics came I don't know I know is excited that you. Rick responded to him and excited. To hear from you and then you guys any is that you said that slammed and that hits orders and I was like wow I didn't think of it like that but then I did think. You know that's exactly. The feeling that he had a right there is a feeling that I had from him. Contains so many times throwing out where I would think that he was going to be in my life and he was gonna make an effort he was gonna be there in the and he just wouldn't. And that feeling that I would get FM news never calling again and missing a birthday here but then remembering this one but then missing line and then remembering to. And then calling on this one militant is sending a message on this one and then oh what's a card in the mail all that it was so sporadic but. At least I saw that he was trying to make some sort of an effort to. He needs throughout so I'm I'm glad that I had some Monday Kenya just feel like that around here as he did a whole adult let a lot of it is you want exciting it is and then. You're getting ill and then I again and so I would get excited here from Eminem he would bounce on it. I mean it. But some people don't even have. That with their. Parent for parental failure who abandons them so some people have a parent is would never even answer to Italy and they are so we've just been discussing and that'll be different angles of you know this kind of the situation because there are many. There are you had a collar that was a mom and that was abandoned by your kids there are many different forms and that these kind of abandonment. Issues and situations take place. The important thing is. And the main thing is how. Well it makes you feel they tell you had to deal with it now and when it comes to expressing an on your radio show. I will say a for anybody that knows. My husband. It is the place where he's the most comfortable. He and he does feel comfortable sharing his life and you wave that can help others on the radio. I was in the most comfortable with the microphone in my hand yeah our economy I mean more than in in a private conversations so it actually was. For his benefit. Which he deserved to have the benefit in this situation turned to deal with the situation. Just saying that for anybody who responded with my. Did you exploit this it's actually. Not that reason if you know now thanks now what that's like saying and I explained my uncle's death last. There now of course I didn't need help to help other people that can relate that mostly. For him in a way that's comfortable for him to express himself now as the kind of my in kind of the more an anonymous. Saying Elaine kind of began as a little anonymous phone and I don't know if it's a little safer for him to express the feelings but it's more balls in social media. Bloom makes a reminder Twitter handle boomed and had to say that the that the you know but they're actually saying instead it is typing and then running away. And in a fake picture I'm a real person and found him now I just wanted to fit for the people that don't know me because there's somebody obviously you know as you can. Well tell us you've always kind of felt more comfortable in front of them and behind him like always your day going out. You're known as the businesses the mind and I love your dad man I wish I knew it would and I wish it would guys know your dad more I really do and we I don't think you trample the thing I really do. US announced settlement isn't credible and half you know this led to another part of the kind. Station that. It was interesting because there's always a dynamic there's always a dynamic that. You know comes out later in mind for when that you're not aware of Iran that you're not living with when your child you don't know these things. And I'm not saying there's any you know excuse for. Your dad was when he was young and abandon you earn your mind or see united using Al any father no I'm not making any excuses for any mistakes some just only saying there's this situation. That is kids are worried sometimes when you're too close to that you don't see it even as another parent. Terms that you can see is an adult and I had that growing up with my father who is. An awesome human beings. In every aspect of my world tuned to me in my opinion. But it. My parents went through things together room my dad and had some issues. That I am not really comfortable putting out their out of respect him in there that he had to deal it can overcome in his life. And was absent for me in certain ways because of these issues. That never affected any other part of his life except really our home life canned. He didn't cheat it wasn't those things you know it was more like interpersonal things between him and my mom. And ironically the way my mother was who had a more hands on role in raising me because you know she raised me more my dad was more of a career person. You know the way she was actually meet him behave more in this other way. Where he was more absent for me and he was actually always trying to do the best thing for me but I never knew. Really. My mother had an extremely of parenting that wasn't bad it was very hands on that it was her way. And he worried about that he was very concerned about that and I didn't know these things until. My adult years phoned. You never know what a dynamic like this you know. AM that all your parents were there the other hand me my mom in nineteen yet I believe and then that and hold my grandfather was an usher very young. Very young of course. And that's excuses behavior but he knows I think he knows that when he made the decision to have me and marry my mom he knows that he was. Doing it may be the reason that I got married the first time was I thought that it really tells us to have and it's premature it was it was a mistake that you made I mean. He's missed it unfortunately or fortunately I'm here but he he ended up having a child and having. You know at an attachment to their relationship and that marriage and I was fortunate in my first encounter. We like college. That's changed her previous encounter at Kensing counters that we did not have children we did not sit them going to change that dynamic and I was known that we. We're more immature I think and just did. The decade that we were you raised is was different cell. You know back then I think it was much more common to happen this young. You know marriage and some people stayed together even though they weren't supposed to stay together and some people. Didn't some people stayed together and there was cheating there is of every family I believe has. Issues even if you're like you know Leave It to Beaver and there's always a hidden issue. There you know different just a cheating because if you're happy just leave and never understood cheating in like hearing on two relationships that sank. Is still in terms of man I'm an only child I can't focus I can't even have more than one dog I know. We can't either don't fit and that's why we work so well to be on the same ways you. I can't I couldn't I can't fathom being with anybody else I don't wanna be with anybody else and if I did. And Terry Leahy radio I would stop right thinks can you be like hey I don't like being with you anymore wannabe was someone else and that's a decision you wanna make them. As unfortunate penalty was Brent. Go back in the back where I am I feeling people really. Just stuck it out because they were supposed to Africanism sing like your pant like happened two years. Every you know years donor and mom and yeah you know only if something happened like that where they just. I'd he acted Al list maybe somebody else and lefty that is tired you know where they stayed together and those things may have happened anyway now. I do you think it changed a lot. Society really tell yet because I think the less people are getting married now. And the its lesson is I think it's trending and not be married now. Actually so much and I trendy clientele my math reflects this. And everything he really gonna trap every candidate on my and everything you and now infiltrate a collar crimes monogamy is pat is happening now I'm willing. All the celebrities that we see in work with and musicians only cheaters are getting outage. Flash catalyst yeah. Mean let me do is bring it to a whole other level but even before that I easier out of you know famous people where they would probably. Cheetah maybe it wasn't mean or they believe in notorious Playboy Canada sure that people finally settled here only. You mean you interviewed sixteen please the other day in their own live with the wives and their children now that school only. That's cool now to have lives in cages cool it is cold and it wasn't cool before like you couldn't be like a Backstreet boy with wives and Justin Timberlake it. Married with a kid to a. Hot actor and emulate that's cool now than back in the day for a while school haven't done cool I'll live to groupies and more as backstage now thank. May we never suddenly reached where both in this business and relate what does this backstage thing that people keep talking about it. No it is okay. Hey you know lately booze and parties and strippers there's and that's an that I guess topic for another Dan Enos is really doing now how much McCain is backstage yeah. Like how you feel out of place backstage now you're not really one of their police trying to do their job people you know they travel reduce our own cycle of daily travel with their yoga mats everybody's eating clean computers unique. So they can perform ten days and around sidebar note as we can do it on a podcast and great that the Camilo command shell. Every time we went on stage there was like eight of us because we have a big staff right to get up every time we go on stage the stage manager is like rolling his eyes his night off. Get to bring nine people used issuance and there was only two you know one achieve what changes for and one or two I said you know what at least we have a staff. There's a the stations don't have staffs who at least we have people who work force we have live people so we're fortunate to be in the situation. Will be an Audi has quick as we can sorry did the way you are fortunate to have. That's that's but I still I can see his frustration because he's just trying to do his job he's got eight no nine people back there it's frustrating for him I understand that a lot of backstage hang his it's not a big party was artist sitting there playing who's always you know. Like damn yes it is some additional braking system but no he's late getting down and drinking I am dying down and having a good. These artists after proof preformed right five to ten nights in a row gotta get up on stage in front yeah 1520000 people. Yet given the current century until hours you buy a ticket at that praise you on a good check people's money do they know that. Can't Indiana colts' injured anymore now notorious the third and I tell my leg is back in the day Dylan and people were doing it years sperm donor dad didn't war. You know I think I learned Boehner did drugs Diana Elena I don't think there was an ambulance. I am saying like so many things were different yes he had they are now back man and you know let's get back to this because my whole thing is. You know people doing evolve and change in their life and my dad and I actually got more. Yeah we got closer in my adult life and we ever wore his kids. And I would have had to be opened to packed. To even have that happen in the end and I treasure that so much but he wanted to be close to music had too it's not the same. Yeah just couldn't because of his personal limitations sure are at that time he was dealing with now with my mother. That made him not be able to be close to me that you don't know that as a kid now you just know that your dad isn't fair. And mania will one day maybe and maybe I will reach back out an email saying you have to do or anything I'm just saying that maybe it is a coffee era meeting somewhere among time someday make antibodies or different meaning but he needs to be on my terms it does need to be on his jets all it needs to be it entity. Yeah. My whole life that's been on his tunes and that's what's been hurting you every time and that's what and that's that's I think that's the core of every time president or his terms whether he's in your life for non and I don't want that anymore now. But that's what it is us 100% yet where did you find that. I mean absolutely. Yeah. That's all right let me anti wanted to talk to you okay I'll boom we can certainly Salmonella you know and then he. I need you we'll find the but it's Chu has. The cooler don't have to have them in your life there's no rule book saying you do CNN if you do embrace. A relationship with this man leader in lengthy and a sperm donor or not he has cared I believe that. You know. He wrote to you afterwards and I believe that he's in his heart. And I know he tended to. Should he reached out only got married and have them and I'll keep those between me him and I because there's some things that he can keep personal of course that's not about the radio but I mean. Since we've been together. He has try it and I've always said. He's not good at it now he's not he's not good and consistent rate and that's the thing with any not the way. He should or should not the bottom line is at this point. It's about how you feel which is why I came out on the radio doing it did today after 35 years later. It needs to be. I knew returns suggest even as a child. You know your mom even sadly she wanted him to show up a few times and he just didn't and she'd just got tired of trying to tell you that he was coming if he didn't mind. He would show up out of nowhere freer you know a baby birthdays. Piano and just be so proud reveal. And that's when he was young and messed up in the header and. O'Donnell and her father again he was a thank you would still love first birthday parties to show I could this body. And then he was and again how to get a Vanessa yeah I get to his friends he says Pollyanna again. My my bullying you know get to hang he would take you know and his friends but he wasn't ready to be a dad now what your parents were both very young the mother is. You know brilliant. Loving woman who have recommended take on not so strong she's one of the strongest women and now that chain and she was ready to take on motherhood and now. And I Andre either and she had my little sister Katie who passed away unfortunately him and he didn't talk about that today no. I'm putting Imus and company. But isn't as part of my life now and I had to I had a sister that Tony this is the part which is the hardest for me to ever like. Delays and. The journal every sale like there is no excuse for him leaving her even if not all messed up at that time and I and I don't know like I had a baby sister wait finished their attention was what was she was born in November and then should show us. Very sick simulation engine down and Valentine's Day is a Zardari. Officially system until cynical Zellweger syndrome. Google it it's not it's very rare chance or. Or he last his baby sister Katie and end to revisit every Tamika to Indianapolis around the time that he was leaving Seoul. I don't know what was going on land and you know what it's not my business honestly that's the case and no other excuse friendly email now and there's. And it's right there just maybe there isn't an excuse unless it was you know obviously he'll say you or anybody with saying it was too much for him he wasn't ready for parenthood to begin my. As of any had a second child who was second he wasn't he didn't have been. Capacity to deal with and clearly. Clearly eat. Clearly and I think that was that was the hardest thing for me learning that the situation that you were raised when Mitt. That was the hardest but man. And a huge. Advocate. People change you have. You know. People leave solve people do things that they regret every there's not person on the planet. That hasn't done something that they regret and I just don't believe I'm gonna cry again that people should be punished their whole lives. For things that they owned up to I think your dad is never owned up for your sperm donor. Again he doubted my father and I John you know who's an amazing the author TO. And you had amazing parenting but I just believe that. There's not anyone on this planet that doesn't do things that they regret and I believe if we were all punished our whole lives. Because they haven't because you didn't learn from that or whatever it is as though the really sad world that we live in I think. Not to get religious 'cause we embrace all religions between the two of us actually in Ireland but god. He's forgiveness like if there's forgiveness it's like. I'm getting teary yes sorry to define. So I hate. I just am because it they allowed me to embrace certain aspects of my family growing up. And I didn't have those things as an adult. And it. And it be less of a person. And think you know if my news forgive an embrace certain things like. It's chapter. Learn and whenever I was going somewhere else with that night totally without any assignments for goodness well if you choose the people can change. I can do when people are accountable for the actions and they show that their change that's where I was going with that apparently come back until they accountability day he said I am sorry yes and I think that was the most important thing he had. Malaysia day and I have accepted and I think he has never asked for high mountain setting and you know. He said that to me he's apologized to me. My sperm donor for he has he has he had selena's. Outside and Alley making him doing this last million as Italians eight hours yes I just say you're sorry link at this knowing he has OK and so that. Not only to absolutely hands and I'll give him that of and you have to say if he had disarmed or. What he hasn't done what he has done and that at that pisses me off and that gets to me every time mrs. Inconsistency in the coming to visit me in line to chime in in my life because. Dan this is my son and I feel like that I've always stuff like that in my life accused paraded me around like you mentioned earlier. And now I'm on the radio and I'm not saying that it's he's only talking dynamic is on the radio we live. Tear gas when he and we did not know you have a half brother living here yes I mean that's wrong this yes this so many Helena Wright and that was wrong it's wrong but. The singing is that we talked about team earlier outside. He's. Not coming for a badly she thinks you're okay with this situation you accept you telling and you say you're not because you've never told him. That this is not okay and that hurts you when he does this you've never told them that before he came in and he was a part of your. X encounters wedding like Gil as well as a Maxine a daring with your day yeah yeah. With your actual the we will call your dad dad yeah. Who raised to use or who has constant and he was consistent that I is that you have both of them he's always been nothing but a constant force Jana that's in. John and I are nothing and incomes and easing fathered T you know and I haven't top union about the session probably time. But has never had to be released just chatting has now and it has nothing to do with them my explaining his. You allowed that like he has never known how much this hurts you. Until today and then when the point. Of this this. Air segment that you did to down below five point of it. Now 30 PM terraced and its a game he's an interest and I tend but the whole point of view. Bring him on today was so that you could tell on how you feel this on the platform and that here. The most comfortable things. And I'm really proud of you because. The entire time we've been Weaver friends for years before we begin romantic we learn and I've known you for years. And you're not comfortable in those kind of conversations from NASA and here strangely comfortable on the radio you know so this is where you. Signed and are able to talk about those things that you have never once told them how much it hurts you. When he does this team him and when he heard that today. I could hear immediately he was like I mean he was actually Roland thinking he's a hate. Because you've allowed him to be okay yeah I have. And and he didn't now and that's where I felt sad too because I was like he needed to hear that. You needed to hear him apologize and own up to it again. And I think it was a very cathartic amazing. Now found and has it is like a weight has been lifted off me telling people that I'll bank yes but I will say with all of that being said. They can not knowing that you felt that way is a big deal and in. I can't explain I mean you told me something on fire now. That's not me. Has made you feel like that every time he comes in you know he sounds so excited to hear your voice and I hear that. You know he does love you here than trying to take ownership for raising you don't. We're gonna wanna hang out with a guy like I have so much weird things I get so many weird quirks. Their media from him like I just I can just tell his life you said that before and I will. I will say that I have never met this man by the way because. We did not happen that are Wayne Newton pleaded not this is my husband I would support anything my husband wants to do with this type. He chose to have his father John and Mary and not both of them unlike his previous encounter them so. We didn't have that we had just our immediate family. And earned it was. It was a personal choice for you now not to do that and that was. That was for I think okay. I didn't wanna become one of what we say what you want them and our role what was set either. Even if he keeps yeah. To learn time and that's all I remember I felt a weird he reached out to you and now he did he reach out to me when we go again which is another thing that makes that he cares you know he does ultimately it's like you're saying though that goes back to he's not sure how to show it because RA consider reaching out to me he reaches out to you I guess I cannot. I crave. You know. He doesn't come from an evil play golf anymore I don't know if I mean he was that it can. For young what can weigh in over his head obviously with. You being born and he in your my arms so young. And I'm not saying there's any excuse for how he was or how he's been but the bottom line is in. Everything we've been talking about today rehashing the the segment today rehashing everything. The ultimate bottom line is you've never told them how you felt until today until today and if he's going to be a part of your life it needs to be on your terms for the first time none none on his and that. But he was frightening with that because it was okay. And it's not a hello hey don't knock it never has been beaten at a now they have allowed it to be okay yeah he never told them so this is here. Rage and I am so proud of you for saying those things and putting it out there because I know you and you know it's not easy fetus in the six. Now that's not that I'm glad I said it is that I do feel better. And maybe a reach out and a couple days since I don't think Ellen see him not ready to. It just has to be on your terms and I think he ends he made it very clear that he's gonna respect that yes he did he meant a very cool very clear and I'm not. You know Mac could he set on friend or buck me if you want to I'm not gonna do that that's stupid. Hello Allen on friend and blocked him I think that's. Though he made it very clear not that we need to is are all the notes at tailored that he today way to clear that he understood how you felt he did yes and he never knew they had. So days since day to my birth father I sat on the radio hey. Back up off brown we're gonna do this on my terms and he said well Paul did I understand who. Totally cool that's exactly what happened today. In a nutshell. Clinton in an and it sound and he said aren't cool and he has not he said his message said this is the last massive and also Indian cities out here. And that's all they said you left it its Canadian dollar return I will but not yet. And I'm ready to. On my terms sign your return to defuse listening to this in nine you know done now you know. Going to be on my terms. They yup. That's rigs off the radio for this week. Thanks for being my guest. And live here and I know yeah. The Clinton didn't. And I details thank you thanks for checking out amid weak episode of rigs off the radio and file. Heavy stuff right. This Friday of the a little bit lighter and new episode drops were talking reality TV what Sally. Talking to a three time with the polka queen. But given that I am an argument about miracle whip vs man days. And thanks again in my life for being on the special episode pilot we're gonna talk here in an upcoming podcast because he should get to know her that she's pretty awesome. Thanks for checking out rigs off the radio. Enjoy the day. And they took life decisions.
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